Okay, I am pretty low on sleep, so this may come out all fumbled.
I have the pernicious question in my head: “I hope that she is not thinking we are in a committed relationship.” Could you give me a quick check on what you think and suggestion on how to proceed.
I tried setting expectations later by bringing up, that some people scare me, how they date and are on track to get married and get babies and that wasn’t for me. Though, I am not sure that it helped make sure that we are not going to have a committed relationship.
Last night, a friend came over to pick something up at my place. It was supposed to be quick. We ended up going for a walk. Afterward, she came back in for a moment that turned into lying on the floor together. As she finally put her shoes on to leave, she said that she likes me more than a friend. She said that she can’t have sex with a friend only.
[Braddock] I usually don’t get into a big dialogue when girls say this. I usually just smile and/or escalating and ignore it. (Simply smile to acknowledge it, but not get into a logical conversation)
I like to say less and keep the tension on them! Whether you want friends with benefits/one night stand or a girlfriend, leaving them hanging just a little after they put themselves out there is powerful. She has just openly started chasing you. By not letting her know what you think either way, you create a powerful unresolved tension inside her.
If in your case, you feel she is a girl who would get supper clingy then there are a few things:
1. Avoid saying anything that builds to much comfort.
2. Validate her, by saying “I don’t sleep with people who are just friends either, but sandwich this with some nice cognitive dissonance, by saying, “I don’t sleep around or with someone unless they are more then friends, but I’m also not looking for a relationship right now.”
3. After you say something heavy like that, keep escalating like a mother fucker. Don’t say that and wait for a response. Say it as if it’s a good thing and simply a statement of fact. Don’t stand there waiting as if you two are negotiating a million dollar contract
4. During and just after sex, be careful what you say. Don’t say shit like, “Baby”……”your so special”……”I’m so glad we met.”…..etc….Keep it about how attracted to her that you are. Keep it physical and “MAYBE” about how cool she is. I avoid saying anything about how I feel to a girl I just want to sleep with and I build the necessary comfort by making them laugh and have fun. They like me and wonder/wish I liked them, but don’t know for sure and don’t get there feelings hurt or misguided expectations because I never verbalize much.
5. Just before you have sex, ask her to hand you the alarm clock next to the bed. Set it for 8am (whatever time) and tell her that you have to get up and go to work in the morning/help a friend move/overthrow a small countries government…..just a logical reason for her to get the fuck out without you having to say, “Get the fuck out.” This allows her to leave with self esteem nice and high, but keeps her from lingering and doing relationship type stuff.
I gave her the spiel of ‘letting things naturally develop. Every two people form their own kinds of relationship, rather than following societies model.’ She kind of nodded. However, I didn’t hear the rebellious, we make our own rules.
[Braddock] Not bad. A little long winded for this situation, but not bad. I say shit like this sometimes. It all depends on the girl and the situation. Every girl has a slightly different blueprint of what she will feel ok with before having sex/becoming a friend with benefits.
We ended up screwing until sunrise, took a nap, and then some more. She had some first experiences, like her first vibrator. We ended up washing each other in the shower and had breakfast in the afternoon.
[Braddock] This, while very fun, is not something I would do the first time I had sex with a girl I just wanted to be my fuck buddy. It’s not a deal breaker, but you are doing stuff that I only do with girlfriends/girls I’ve slept with numerous times and know the score.
Oh, and she was pretty persistent about bareback. Yet, I wanted to be safe.
Do you think that in her mind we are a couple now?
[Braddock] No, but in her mind she may be thinking, “Yes…if I keep this up and keep getting him to accept these types of things, I can push him toward a relationship. Then, it will be harder and harder to say no, because he did all these things.”
It’s much like qualification. You keep getting the girl to comply to smaller and smaller things and the next thing she knows she is sleeping with you. Girls play the same game. They get you to comply on small things and then the next thing you know you are at Bed Bath and Beyond picking out decorations for the bathroom you share with your new girlfriend.
We were already holding hands before. Also, I hold hands with more girls. If so, what is the responsible, slightly smooth way to handle expectations? She is cute and all. Though, I am not looking for a committed relationship at this point.
[Braddock] Just after sex ……say,
You:”You know what I think is so fucking hot about you?”
Her: “What?”
You: “Most girls get all weird and clingy after you have sex and they try to push you into a relationship, but your not like that. I think that is so fucking sexy. I can’t stand girls who do that.”
She will be frustrated inside, but will have a hard time combating that and will passively accept it (if said right).
Oh, and her room mate is my ex-girlfriend. [Braddock] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are my hero!!!
When we all three hang out, I am touching both pretty affectionately. [Braddock] Please fuck both of them and write an awesome 3-some field report
Setting expectations for the relationship/situation is perhaps the thing that I am struggling with the most.
Situation check and pointers please!
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